Judgy McJudgerson the Judge

To be honest, I wanted to write a series of posts that would appear weekly on your dash about several television shows I really, really, really hate. Then I thought about people who like those shows and how they’d react to someone dissing their favorite characters and the situations they have to go through. How would they judge me? (There goes one of my New Years resolutions…)

Isn’t it interesting? The whole judging thing?

We’re always told not to judge a book by its cover; Christians (I don’t know about other religions, if someone could give me any information about this, that would be fantastic) are taught that the only being who can judge a person is God themself. So why don’t we try to live like this? Why do we constantly judge people around us?

I’ve caught myself so many times judging another person, that automatically, I now tell myself, “Hey, it’s their decision, I am not in their shoes.” Afterwards, I feel kinda bad. Even if it is something that might be natural or innate to do.

But what is it that causes us to judge another person? A lack of self-confidence? Second-hand embarrassment? An evil personality trait inherited from our great-great-great-great cousin twice removed on our maternal grandmother’s great aunt’s side of the family?

So how do you react when you catch yourself judging someone else? What causes it? How do you feel afterwards?


The Gator, the Duck, and the Pebble

I started writing this before NaNoWriMo 2014, and I just went back to it, to look it over. I thought I’d share what I had with you! Please enjoy my first – and only – attempt at the ‘hardboiled’ genre.

Blowing on the steaming hot cup of Oolong tea, P.I. Gator wandered into his office. Despite the fact that he had been out all night, tailing the Mayor’s granddaughter, Gator still arrived promptly at seven am. Sitting in his big, comfy chair, he closed his eyes for a moment, hoping today would be easy.
                Letting out a sigh, he looked at his memos: there was something about a paper shortage, that the coffee machine was broken and… a new case. Gator kicked his desk; what were the higher ups thinking? He had more than enough on his plate already, why were they giving him more work?
                He dialed Sharon’s number, tapping his fingers angrily against the wooden surface of his desk. Sharon would most likely know why they’d given him this case – after all, Sharon Pachy was a wonderful asset in the personal assistant department as well as amateurish investigating skills. There was a click on the other end and before Sharon said anything, Gator demanded, “Why do I have another case? I’m already working on the Mayor’s case, which is hard enough as is; I’ve also got a stolen painting to locate as well as a cheating husband. What’s the big idea, eh? Don’t they know I’m –“
                “Sir, they gave you that case because they felt you’d do it quickly. In fact, the lady in your new cast just arrived. I’m sending her in now,” Sharon stated briskly. There was a click, and Gator dropped his head on his desk. Not how he envisioned how his morning was going to go.
                The door opened and there was a soft shuffling, before the door clicked shut. Stillness; Gator lifted his head and found himself looking at a fashionably dressed woman, nervously clutching her purse. She turned towards him and blinked, before asking, “Mister Al E. Gator? I’m Delilah Mallard. I need your help.”
                “I assume that’s why you’re in my office. Please sit and tell me why you’re here,” Gator snapped, rubbing his brow. Of all the broads that could’ve walked into this office, it had to be a Mallard. You’d never suspect it, but the Mallards’ were actually the top mob bosses in this city. There was something about a duck holding anything remotely dangerous that was quite unnerving. Also, getting hit by those wings hurt a lot.
                Ms. Mallard fluttered up, and made herself comfortable before speaking again. “I can’t go to the cops and I definitely cannot go to my family; if they knew, they’d kill me. Quite possibly literally,” she paused, squeezed her purse strap, then continued on, “I’m engaged to Stan ‘Big Stone’ Rockhopper; I’m sure you’ve heard of him.” Gator nodded; of course he had. Big Stone was the heir to a vast crime ring encircling the western hemisphere. It would only make sense for the Mallards and Rockhoppers to make an alliance, albeit a dangerous one.
                “So where do I come in? Am I looking for a mistress, are you in love with someone else? What’s this gotta do with me?” leaning back in his chair, Gator took a sip of his now cooled tea.
                Delilah laughed, “Oh heaven’s no! I couldn’t care less if he had a mistress; most of the men in the mob do. And I wouldn’t dare risk my life for some other man, are you crazy? No, I lost something and I need help finding it.”
                Gator leapt up, furious, “What do you mean you lost something? Do you know how busy I am?! I am not a… a… FINDER! I am an investigator and I have more important things to do than help some doe find a rock!”

2015 New Years Resolutions

I don’t normally give a flying rat’s ass about my New Years resolutions; it’s not something I’m interested in – usually. But to be honest, a lot has changed over the past year. I’m a little more interested in making some and attempting to keep them than not making any for this coming year.

So here’s a list, which I may or may not keep (hopefully I will; root for me, I need all the support I can get):

  1. Write – at least a paragraph, hopefully more. Keep those gears oiled.
  2. Read as much as possible; read new genres and new books – seriously, new books. You can do it, self, you can read new books. They cannot hurt you; it’s exciting to read something new.
  3. Continue Feathered – even if you don’t publish it, you can at least finish it. Prepare for NaNoWriMo.
  4. Be a lot more diligent about my health. This could mean losing weight, eating better, going to the doctor. For real, self, this is as good a year as any to be healthy. Doooooo iiiiiit.
  5. Forget about what other people think. If I want to dye my hair bright pink, I’m gonna damn well do it.
  6. As I’ve said before, continue to update this blog. I’m not letting its third year disappear with less than ten posts.

That’s literally all I can think of at the moment. As the night progresses, I fear I’m getting more sleepy. My brain is slowly shutting down – I’m sorry there’s not two thousand and fifteen resolutions for you to read!

On Creating A GoFundMe Campaign

One of the things I dislike doing is asking for money. It makes me uncomfortable. My parents would probably disagree, but it’s true.

So deciding to create a GoFundMe campaign (found here, 😉😉) was/is nerve-wracking – I am literally asking people I know as well as people I don’t know to give me money. Aren’t I supposed to be a capable adult by now? Shouldn’t I be able to afford this trip myself? Why would anyone give me money?

It’s for a good cause, I swear! I get to see at least one person who I am close to; hopefully I can guilt some others to show up… Even if it’s not precisely for New Years – let’s face, tomorrow is New Years Eve. I probably have a better chance to go on the weekend, in like, two weeks or something, but it’s worth a shot!

Yet instead of being absolutely negative about it (I’m a pessimist disguised as an optimist, okay), I’ve decided to look at it like this: while the general idea behind my first campaign is pretty goofy and cheesy, it could actually help me fund my way through college.

Do you know how much anxiety and stress I’ve built up over the past month thinking about paying for college? I think I have grey hairs. Grey. Hairs. But I’ve known that at some point in my life, I’d have to rely on something and someone other than the savings account my parents set up years ago to be able to continue my higher education. And the FAFSA? Gonna apply for it every year, probably still only be offered loans.

This is actually a huge relief. I’ve learned in the past few hours alone that there’s more than one way to afford to college. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Scholarships are the pinnacle you aim for, but don’t think they’re the only way to better your life through education.

I feel so… light… so free… Maybe I don’t have to take out that loan quite yet…

Also, for all of you who read my blog and are friends with me on Facebook, I’ve decided to relink to my Facebook account. Don’t make me regret this.

Thank You!!

It’s been a while, almost six months. I would apologize, but the only thing I feel guilty over is not providing witty, entertaining posts for you.

I have had a tough year. I’ll have many more. The future scares me more and more with each passing day, but I know that I can only go forward. Thank you to everyone who has been with me and to everyone who will stick with me.

It’s not quite the new year yet, but one of my resolutions is to definitely post more – pictures, artwork, stories, word(s) of the day… I refuse to let year three of this blog be passed by as I did with year two.

Lies We Have Told You

Have you ever held a conversation with someone and mentioned “Oregon” or maybe “Pacific Northwest” and there’s always that reply “The place the rains all the time?” It’s just like… common knowledge that Oregon and Washington are literally wet all the time, and dreary, and overcast, with way too many trees.

This is a lie. Yes, even the trees.

I cannot stress this enough. Yes, there’s a large amount of rainfall in the Willamette valley, all the way up to Seattle, and beyond. No, that is not the only weather we get. Let me explain:

On the coast, it’s usually a steady temperature of ~60 degrees and it’s overcast. As you go further down the coast, temperatures rise (duh) and it’s quite pleasant. Do you know how many times I’ve been to the beach? Hundreds of times. Hundreds. The amount of rain I’ve seen? Maybe a handful of times. It’s literally either windy and overcast or windy and sunny. The coastal area can get snow, tsunamis, etc, etc, etc, etc. But it doesn’t rain all the time there.

In the Willamette valley, it rains. It does. When? In the fall, winter, and spring. Literally, that’s when most of the precipitation falls. In the summer, it’s humid as all get out, and there’s at least 50% less rain there. The valley is what you hear about when it comes to rain. The Columbia River gorge is similar. However, there’s not this rain cloud that just settles over atop of the area between the Cascades and the Coastal ranges, okay.

The real kicker, to completely blow you away, is the fact that there are not one, but two regions of Oregon that are dry, dusty, barren, and rocky. First, we have Central Oregon. Central Oregon is located in the northwestern most part of the Great Basin. I currently live in the middle of a desert. Yes, that’s right, a desert. Technically, a high desert, which means we have dry, hot summers, and cold winters – there’s typically at least one snowfall a year here. The only trees naturally growing we have here are juniper trees, a sparse, ugly tree. Then there’s Eastern Oregon. Literally, it’s a continuation of Central Oregon, but it gets drier and more barren. All of this is due to the rain shadow of the Cascades.

Please remember that Oregon and Washington, I’m sure, though I know zero about Washington is actually a very diverse place in terms of climate. There are areas that get less than 5 inches of rainfall a year, while others get a good 20 inches or more. We do see the sun! We know what it looks like! We curse the clouds until they go away! Unless they are thunderstorms, then we hope that wildfires are not started, especially in the desert regions!

Word(s) of the Day: Fear of the Unknown

We all know this feeling; that instant when you realize that the future is simultaneously here yet far away; when you realize that there are so many potential outcomes. No wonder there are people who try to only live day by day.

  • Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid; concern or anxiety.
  • Unknown: a thing, influence, area, factor, or person that is unknown; not known; not within the range of one’s knowledge, experience, or understanding; strange; unfamiliar.
  • Panic: a sudden overwhelming fearwith or without cause, that produces hysterical or irrational behavior,and that often spreads quickly through a group of persons or animals.
  • Nervousness: highly excitable; unnaturally or acutely uneasy or apprehensive.
  • Helplessness: deprived of strength or power; powerless; incapacitated.
  • Future: time that is to be or come hereafter; something that will exist or happen in time to come.

Right at this moment, I am fearing the unknown. I am fearing my future; panicking; feeling nervous. I’m making plans and that scares me so much. In October, I’m planning on moving from Bend, where I’ve spent the last five years, to a completely new environment in Portland. I’ll be living with my friend, I’ll probably be working two jobs to make ends meet, I’m going to be three hours away from my immediate family. I’m so scared and frightened of this development.

I understand I need it; I’m a timid person who needs to get out and expand. But there are so many things I’m used to, like immediate access to my mother and father. I’m leaving my dog behind; I’ve literally been crying over this for the past few days, and everyone tells me ‘Well, you can’t take her with you just yet. You’ll have to get established first.’ I get it, I do, but I don’t think anyone truly understands how much Sadie means to me. I’m more dependent on her than she is on me.

And yeah, I’ll be closer to my two best friends in the world; I’ll be in the city I want to live in, which is awesome. But… what do I do? How do I do it? Am I going to be able to do it? I feel pressed up against a wall and I’m scared. I’m so, so, scared. I’m trying hard not to let it get to me, yet I have to be honest – this is making my anxiety shoot through the roof. There are so many things I need; how am I going to function in this new environment?