You know, we live in a world where the term “body image” is only acceptable if you look a certain way – a way I currently don’t. We are all pressed into one mold; if we don’t fit it, there’s something wrong with us. I grew up being called nicknames by family members; I’ve struggled with binge eating, starving myself, and the suppression of wanting to run into the bathroom after meals, especially on particularly hard days.
Well guess what? There’s nothing wrong with me. It has taken me such a long time to grasp this concept and to finally accept it. I always told my friends, whenever they told me I was beautiful or pretty, that I had seen a mirror, I knew how ugly I was. But I’m getting over that. I’m starting to accept that maybe, just maybe, I don’t have to be model thin to be beautiful.
I’m not saying I want to stay fat. My family has heart problems and diabetes; I want to be healthy and fit. What I’m saying is that I can look into the mirror and say “Wow, you know what, Karyn? You look pretty good.” For the first time in years, I feel capable of that.
I’ve started doing yoga again and I’m going to alternate yoga with walking ~2 miles every other day (baby steps!). I don’t know, I just feel like… Everything is going to be alright. And it helps seeing bigger girls being sexy as hell and having all the rumors about being intimate with someone dispelled. Yes, I think this year is shaping up to be pretty good.