I Touched A Dead Thing And It Was Grody

As the title might suggest, I touched a dead thing. It was an extremely recently deceased little lizard friend, of which we have many living out among the rocks on our property. I’m honestly not sure what they’re called, but we call them rock lizards and they range from tiny to rather large (or at least big enough to be about the size of a small bearded dragon). Some of them even have blue on their bellies! They’re all super cute, lightning fast, and… Great prey.

When you have A) a CAT, of all things, they like to hunt and when you have B) a HERDING breed, one of the most active dog breeds on the planet, they too, must find something entertaining to do if they are not in Sparta entertained. So what do they like to do, sometimes together, sometimes apart?

Hunt lizards.

I was unhappily outside, mostly because I’ve been up since 5am today and am super tired, and Sadie, the dog, was happily doing what she usually does – destroying our rock edges around the property, looking for lizards. I stood there for a moment and decided I’d actually help her destroy the rock edging; I didn’t see, and still don’t, anything wrong with this because we’re going to end up removing them anyway at some point. I pushed some rocks aside with my foot, trying to see if there was an actual lizard, or if Sadie could just smell it.

Then! EUREKA! There was movement! I saw a flash run across the rocks and – the dog suddenly drop something on the ground and immediately pick something up again. I puzzled over if she actually caught something or if she was just being weird, so I hopped off the rocks and moved her aside to…

See a rock lizard with some blue on it.

Ah, ha, Sadie, you caught one! I yelled, BUT… I’m not going to let you have it!

But why, owner? What did I do wrong? asked the pouting corgi, as I stooped to grab the lizard by the tail. I half wondered if it was still alive and if its tail would detach.

Because! I don’t really want you to have it! Also, you might eat it and be sick, and I don’t want to clean that up. I stated my clear and obvious reasoning to the dog. I grimaced a little, because you could clearly see the dog saliva on it, and let’s be honest, that’s super gross.

Can I have it? I want it. Please let me have back the small leathery thing! Large eyes looked up at me, begging.

No. Yo- OH SHIT IT MOVED WAIT I THINK IT’S STILL DEAD OH MY GOD I FORGOT NERVES DID THAT SOMETIMES. Yeah, no, you don’t get the dead lizard, so I’m moving it out of your reach.

Why does the small large human have my collar what is happening I want the leathery thing please give it back I need to roll in it! (At this point, my brother had a grip on her collar so she couldn’t escape her fence when my dad and I drove off to go look at pavers.)

And that, my friends, is how I touched a dead thing. If I die, it’s because I didn’t have enough time to wash my hands before I was rushed into the car. But I did get to wipe it on the leather seats, so all the germs can stagnate there.

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