Movie Etiquette

I love going to the movies, when I have the money. It’s fun and it actually gets me to sit (sort of) still for an hour and a half. But you know, we’re in the year 2012, we have cell phones and for some reason, a “I have to text at all times” sort of mentality. And it’s annoying.

Or when people talk during the movie. It’s fine during the previews; I’ll lean over and whisper who I’m with about the movie trailer that just played if it’s something I’d like to see. But during the movie? Ugh!

Just the other day, I went and saw the Life of Pi (which is super good, this is the second time I’ve seen it), and I saw these two women talking about something outside the theater. Not quite sure what they were yapping about, but something in my head said “Hmm, sucks for whoever sits near them in whatever movie they’re going into.” I enter the theater that’s showing Life of Pi and I look around to gauge a place to sit. I dislike sitting in the front (too many premieres where I’m screwed and have to sit with my neck craned up), so I choose the very back. No one’s sitting there, no one in front of where I sit, no one around me, no issues.

And then I hear them. I’d just taken my seat, and look over to see… Betty and Betsy are talking, loudly, and walking up to where I’m sitting.

Well that’s fine, I’m sure that they’ll be quiet through the movie and they’re not going to sit directly next to me. Maybe two or three seats, right?

Wrong.

Betty and Betsy walk past me and sit right. Next. To. Me. Excuse me? We are not in a packed theater, we don’t know each other, I need some space. But I don’t move, because there’s one seat between us. I’m safe. They’re not doing any harm, they’re just here to see a movie. I’m slightly irritated that they had to sit right next to me, but that’s fine, I can cope.

And then the movie starts. I sit back, ready to enjoy a fantastic movie, ready for some silence on their part.

Did that happen? No. No, it did not. They sat there and whispered to one another throughout the entire movie, while either laughing or squealing in terror. Yes, there’s some stuff in Life of Pi that’s sad, such as the zebra being killed by the hyena. This does not mean you have to go “NO, YOU HORRIBLE MONSTER, HOW DARE YOU KILL THAT POOR ZEBRA. /cry” and then later on call the hyena names until it’s killed. For the record, my most extreme reaction is jumping out of my pants during one of Richard Parker’s “I WILL EAT YOU, SKINNY INDIAN BOY.” even though I know it’s coming. 

I can handle the rustle of candy wrappers and popcorn kernels. I can sit through that. I do not, however, enjoy having to listen to a murmured commentary from two people right next to me. I swear to you, the Harry Potter and New Moon premieres were more silent than a huge theater of less than twenty people.

Talking during a movie is like answering a cell phone during a movie. Don’t do it; it’s rude and impolite.

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