And Now, We Bring To You Some Unimportant News…

Life is stressful. Life sucks. I am tired of stress. And money. But I’m sure most people feel that way. Life decided it wanted to bitch slap me, but don’t worry, I beat it to the punch line. (Get it? Get it? I did that unintentionally. I’m so witty.)

Let’s get down to business:

Last week I posted about Face Off. Guess who was correct in thinking that no one was voted off. That’s right, me! See, what happened was that evidently there was a 12th person by the name of Joe, and he was a rather crappy make-up artist compared to everyone else. He and Tommy were partners since the first one was a team challenge, and let me tell you, I am pretty gosh darn sure a two-year old could finger paint that make-up better. It was hideous, and Tommy threw Joe under the bus. Which I guess really pissed Joe off, so instead of sticking around, he left. He was disqualified and no one went home. And both last week’s episode and this week’s have proven that there are four contestants that completely and utterly excel above the others: Rod, Roy, Laura, and Sarah. Sarah won last night and C.C. went home.

Also, 5.0.4 came out and I can’t help but laugh at everyone who’s have issues with their game. Suckers.

And the first segment of people/companies that need to at least check facts before they spew nonsense out. Morons.:

So I received a letter from a study abroad program last week. Alright, cool, I could go study somewhere in Europe! How cool would that be?! Now keep in mind that A) this is addressed to ME, and B) I’m only nineteen. I open this letter and I start to read when… “daughter” shows up in the sentence. I evidently had a child somewhere between the ages of non-existence and the age of two. What the hell. Where did these people get their information? Mind. Blown. I do not understand. At all.

I’m gonna meet this kid one day. That I supposedly had. She must be awesome if I gave birth to her before I was fully developed.

I Will Rip You Apart Before You Even Begin – Preparation for Season Three of Face Off

We wish you a Merry Face Off, We wish you a Merry Face off, We wish you a Merry Face Off, and a Friendly Betting War

So last week I told you I’d be reviewing the new season of Face Off. I hold true to that promise because let’s be honest, Face Off is pretty goddamn awesome. We are literally hours away from the premiere of season 3. To begin, I’m gonna do two things: “introduce” the contestants (more like give you a picture, give you some information and be judgmental. Sounds good) and open a poll to who you think is going home first. Yes, this requires you to be biased, to use what little information you have against them, and say “I’m betting so many points that YOU go home FIRST.”

THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN. MUAHAHAHA.

This also means that, because I fully expect someone to be eliminated tonight, no one is going to be eliminated. Of course. Let’s get started, shall we?

Alana Rose Schiro is the youngest contestant on Face Off this season. Her forte is sculpting, and I’m trying to figure out if her hair is that natural color or not. I don’t think it is, because her eyebrows look funny.

C.C. Childs, who’s full name is not one I know how to spell nor pronounce, works as a special effects make up artist. Her specialty is character creation and beauty.

Derek Garcia is up for some tough competition. Ya know why? Because his fraternal twin brother, Eric, is competing, too. That’s frickin’ awesome. Derek is a freelance tattoo artist. (What does that even mean? Does he go around in a van offering free tattoos of Mexican drinking worms? hint: that’s a reference). His forte is airbrushing, painting, sculpting, and sketching. Which is why he’s a tattoo artist.

His brother, Eric, is a freelance make-up artist and is skilled at airbrushing, application, and sketching. I’ll most likely vote for him each week simply because I think he’s kinda hot. So sue me. (Please don’t, I’m poor.)

Jason Milani is also freelance, a special effects make-up artist. His expertise is horror and mold making. Or maybe it’s horror mold making. I don’t know, there’s a slash there. It could mean anything.

Laura Tyler is another freelance make-up artist. How many of these people are freelance? Goodness. Anyway, she’s pretty good at prosthetic application, sculpting, airbrushing, and painting.

Nicole Chilelli is that girl you see who has good fashion till you look at her head. I don’t have anything against colored hair, but that’s a little too much pink for me. Luckily, she can pull it off. Not too many can. Her expertise is in creatures, sculpting, and design.

Rod Maxwell is the eldest in this season. The first season, the 40-year-old won, and he was the eldest. Second season, nope, he didn’t. We’ll see how good this old fart is, seeing how he’s skilled in special effects prosthetics.

Roy Wooley is the second eldest, just a year younger than Rod, and HE, too, is freelance. Oh my god. Okay, we can deal with all the freelance, we can. Roy’s pretty damn good with sculpting, prosthetics, airbrushing, and fabrication.

Sarah Elizabeth Miller (we found your last name, missy, there’s no use hiding from the interwebz), is NOT freelance, and she works as a corporate administrator somewhere and as a special effects make-up artist. She’s skilled in character creation, prosthetics, sculpting, foam latex, and fabrication.

And last of all, we have Tommy Pietch. He’s a special effects make-up artist and is good at sculpting, foam latex, and character design.

Here’s a poll to see who goes home first. Dundundun.

And now some pretty pictures of the contestants. Which I got from Google Images because the site wouldn’t allow me to take the pictures from there. Buttfaces. If you wanna bet, here’s 11 points. One for each contestant. Choose wisely! 😉 Remember, what you want to look at is what they’re good at, and maybe what they do for a job.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

To The Person Who Told Me I Could Only Have One Best Friend: F*** You

You remember that little ass in elementary or middle school who would inform you, quite loudly, of any number of things, because he’s clearly misinformed (it would be impolite to call him stupid, but he is) about life in general and his parents are crappy parents or are just as misinformed as him? And you really wanted to slap him for being so misinformed, but you knew that if you did, you’d get in trouble for whatever? But you just wanted to so badly because that misinformed little poophead really was in need of some major re-informing. With your foot up his ass.

Yeah, I remember the little shit, too. And trust me, it is not limited to one gender.

When I think of a best friend, I think of someone who I can count on, who’ll be there for me no matter what, and when crazy shit goes down, we’re in it together. Oh, and can coax me out of my shell. Definitely that.

I have four best friends. Yes, four. And I love them all dearly. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them. Go crazy? Probably. But my issue is that I am literally the worst frickin’ person ever when it comes to keeping in touch. Hell, one of them lives in the same town as I do, and I don’t even have the decency to get in touch on a more regular basis. It helped, too, that I didn’t have my license. But that’s no excuse. I am a horrible person. While I sit at home smacking my head against the wall for being an incredibly stupid person for not getting my license and allowing myself the money-bought freedom of a license, my friends are off GROWING AND BECOMING INCREDIBLE.

Five words describing each of them. I’ll explain one or two of the words I’ve chosen, don’t worry, you’ll understand. And know why I love these four people so much.

Jo

  1. Hysterical
  2. Artistic
  3. ENGAGED
  4. Jewish
  5. Bows

Justin

  1. Asian
  2. Sassy
  3. Bolin
  4. Mage
  5. Food

Torie

  1. Busy
  2. Animals
  3. Friendly
  4. Headstrong
  5. Nurse

Chrissy

  1. Blonde
  2. Inked
  3. Buttons
  4. Teeth
  5. Hobbs

ISN’T IT A BEAUTIFUL JUMBLE OF WORDS?! YAY! Alright, now a little explanation.

Jo’s family is like, the only Jewish family in Redmond. And she always has a hair-bow, no matter what. I once stole her big blue bow and had it for weeks till she made me give it back (I actually lost it at one point. I couldn’t find it a while). She is engaged to be married and her wedding shall commence in four days. Four days.

Justin is that sassy gay friend every girl wishes she had to take shopping. But not to the extreme. I don’t know how to perfectly explain his sassiness. He also once gave me a description of his perfect guy, and when I asked why, he said “Bolin.” (Legend of Korra, people!) Nothing more needed to  be said. He also plays WoW, therefore, the mage.

Torie… She’s always doing something, no matter what. For most of the summer, she was in Virginia, then she came home for camp, brought her college friend Dara with her, and went off again. She does not know how to sit still, until she comes to my house. She’s also that person that attracts people like flies to honey. She is also (figuratively) a donkey. I kid you not. If she gets something in her head, she’ll not back down and she’ll work at it until either she succeeds or… well, I don’t think she’s quite failed at something yet.

Chrissy. She’s actually brunette, but she acts like a blonde. She pronounces buttons ‘bu’ons’ (buh – uns). She’s always wanted to become a dentist. I have no idea why. I hate the dentist. As a profession. I don’t want people in my mouth, and I certainly don’t want to be in someone’s mouth, stabbing them with pointy objects. She’s also one of those people who have to have tattoos. I mean, I want one, but I can’t just go willy-nilly get one (not that she does). Hobbs was one of her cats. A 40lb cat. Here’s a picture of me from before I moved with him on my lap.

RIP Hobbs, and that I look tons different from I did in 2009 today.

Oh my gosh, I released a picture of myself. From three years ago. Everyone, calm down, the world has not come to an end as of yet. And tah-dah, my four best friends in a nutshell.

So, readers, I’ve got a challenge for you, and that’s to describe not yourself, but your best friend(s) in five words, as well as what best friend means to you.

Oh, HELLO THERE.

*This actually happened, but I decided it might make a nice little story, I picked two of my favorite names that my female children will be cursed blessed with at some point.

‘omg lol i can’t believe that just happened’ I text my best friend. 

‘lol what did u do’ Wisteria quickly replies.

‘being a ‘tard! im pullin a prank on my dad on his laptop; totally fell for it’ I really am a retard. I had forgotten I had taken a screenshot of the desktop, hidden the start bar, and hidden the icons. I couldn’t figure out why the hell Google Chrome wasn’t opening.

‘omg Vic, ur so stupid lol’ Wis is probably laughing her ass off at me.

Whatever. I toss my phone somewhere and plop down on the couch. Having nowhere important to be and expecting literally no one to come visit me, I’ve decided to stay in my pajamas a little while longer. Ah, sweet, sweet laziness. Let’s see what’s on HBO so I can ignore it and attempt to get on a roll when leveling my new druid. Dolphin Tale. Alright, I remember seeing the previews about that. That’s worthy of my attention.

Humming along to whatever song is playing in the background, playing World of Warcraft, AND watching a movie is evidently very distracting. For a dog. Sadie is laying on the couch, dead. Good girl, Sadie. Just like your owner. 

Until…

Knock, knock, knock. 

Three rapid knocks. On the door. Not surprising. Or is it?

These knocks are literally the loudest I have ever heard. When I look over to the glass door leading to the back porch, I see why. Holy shit, there’s someone out there. Holy shit, why the hell does he have cleaning supplies? Holy shit, he has glasses and beard scruff. Holy shit, I think he’s kinda cute, but I can’t really tell at this point because I didn’t get a real good look at him.

HOLY SHIT, WHY THE HELL IS HE ON MY BACK PORCH. I’M GOING TO DIE.

I grab my jacket, which is across the room, in front of the little parting of the curtains. Did he see me? Does he know I’m home? Is he still there? Shoving my arms in the garment, I zip it up and peek out. No one. He’s gone. What the hell just happened. 

By this time, I’m in hysterics, so who do I call first? Wisteria. It doesn’t go through at first, but she calls me directly afterwards, as I get ready to try again.

“Oh my god, oh my god, Wisteria, oh my god, I’m going to die,” I screech into the phone. 

“What are you talking about? Would you stop yelling? I can’t understand you,” she’s slightly hysteric from my own hysteria. 

“THERE WAS A MAN ON MY BACK PORCH.” I’m trying to calm myself, but it really isn’t working. It’s the last day till my parents come home from Europe. “HE HAD CLEANING SUPPLIES.”

“What?”

“A man, on my back porch, with cleaning supplies,” I finally get myself in control.

“The hell? Okay, that’s weird.” No shit, Sherlock. Thank you for pointing that out.

Then:

“He was staking out the house. He and his buddies are coming back later on. They’re going to kill you, Victoria,” Wisteria is slightly giggling. “They installed cameras to watch you, when you were gone on Saturday. They know that tomorrow your parents will be coming home, so they gotta get the job done.”

“…You are not helping. I’m hanging up now. I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE,” I hang up and toss the phone again somewhere. Then think to charge it.

I then manage to go about my day, mowing, collecting the mail, watering the plants and lawn, and taking out the trash. Once that’s all down, I… literally have stopped worrying about. Instead, it’s more like ‘What the hell was he doing? Who goes onto the back porch? And has cleaning supplies?’

*I’m safe and sound. Nothing happened in the middle of the night. We’re all good.I doubt I’d be blogging about it if I weren’t okay.

The Guardians of Ga’Hoole/Legend of the Guardians

I like reviewing stuff, especially movies. I’m that evil person you don’t go to see a book-based movie with because I’ve most likely read the book. Therefore, I will rip that son of a bitch apart until you say “OH. MY. GOD. SHUT THE HELL UP.” Except the Hunger Games. That was awesome. There were a few differences, but they were so little, I don’t really care.

At 3am this morning, I woke up, and due to certain circumstances, I’ve been sleeping downstairs on an air mattress. I flipped on the TV, just to, uh… “see what was on.” Truth be told, I used it as a light. Whatever was on, was on, I had more important things to care of. Because HBO has no commercials (I hate you, commercials), I like watching most of the movies and every once in a while there’s a good show (if I’m gonna watch True Blood, I’m reading the books first). And what was on at 3am? The Legend of the Guardians.

Being the age that I am, I read the first ten or so books a long time ago. Way before the movie even came out. I adored that series. Owls? Check. Awesome bad assery? Fuck yeah! (Sorry for the language) I’ve always loved owls, barn owls being my favorite. I don’t quite remember when I picked it up, but it was at a Scholastic Book Fair (Remember those? They were always awesome. Up till we moved and my brother entered the 6th grade, I could find a book at one).

Two years after the movie came out, I actually watched the movie. And since I haven’t read the books in forever, I can’t really compare the two, but I’ll rip it apart at some point. We’ll get there.

It was like I was teleported back to my childhood. Soren, Gylfie, Digger, Twilight. I remember trying my best to imagine these characters and the situations they were in. I loved the books, and I loved the movie, even though there were a few things I wasn’t too sure about. I also can’t help it that I’m all for a good action scene. And finally being able to see the characters visibly train and fight, after seeing it in my mind’s eye, was pretty cool.

But the tree. The goddamn tree. I remember trying my hardest to picture this huge tree in the middle of the sea, with all these different owls doing all of these different things… and really getting kind of nowhere. Then I watched the movie. The tree was gorgeous. Gorgeous, I tell you. I think what made it for me was the touches they had that seemed to exude Lord of the Rings. Did I go “This is cheesy. They totally stole that from the Lothlórien scene!”? No, I said “Duuuuuude, that looks like Elven craftsmanship. THAT’S AWESOME.”

I loved this movie. Loved it. I would totally watch it again, and I’m totally going to dig through my boxes of books to find the series and re-read them. And find the last few I need, and read those, too.

Stay tuned for next week, ’cause Face Off is starting. We’re gonna rip the contestants apart. This is gonna be fun…

Yes, I totally realize that this is the “I lied” meme, but I felt the face overall pretty much summed up my Muahaha moment.

Follow Up To American Right or Privilege

Just to clarify I totally did not steal Lily’s post, this is a follow-up to my own post about driving (but by all means, read her post, it is hilarious!). At the end I had said something about Californians being completely crap drivers. Which I truly believe they are.

Anyway, because I have no social life and I’m always dinking around on the internet, there’s a comic strip I absolutely enjoy. It’s called Scandinavia and The World. The creator, Humon, is Danish and the strip is about the countries of Sweden, Finland, Norway, and Denmark, mainly. There are appearances by other countries, such as Germany, France, Italy, and, of course, the big ‘bully’ of the world, America. What does this strip have to do with driving? Well, the most recent post is about driving in Britain compared to driving in France.

Of course, as soon as I read it, I had to post. What person in their right mind wouldn’t? So here’s what I posted and the one response I received that changed my outlook. Because the names are typically usernames, not actual names, I feel pretty confident that their identity wasn’t compromised.

I thought it was pretty gosh darn hilarious to be told that. Evidently, it just depends on what state (or country!) you go to and how they see you drive or how you see them drive. Who knew!

And sorry that the pictures are tiny. Evidently the images didn’t want to respond to what I wanted them to do. Finland is my favorite character.